stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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