He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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