Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
sex in a hospital.. check
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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