I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My feet surprised me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
