just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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