i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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