my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
