I can tuck mytits in my pants
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
