No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
