in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
