i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Man, jail baloney is awful.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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