Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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