Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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