I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
