Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
