i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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