a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
