I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Naked Twister starts at high noon
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
