So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
