my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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