I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
