3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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