that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
