Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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