So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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