there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
