im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
