no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
