You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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