so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
