Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
