he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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