So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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