For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
