My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
