Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
