M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well you can't waste a boner
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
