I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
