I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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