I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
