dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am naked and annoyed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
