I'm eating all of the evidence.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
