Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
