ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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