I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
