Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
