Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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