So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
