My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
