So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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