so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
