god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Holy sore nipples Batman
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
