wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
