Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
