i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
