I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
