: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
