my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize