I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
