How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
