Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
