So drunk its hurt
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
