The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
