this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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