well I can't set my house on fire every night
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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