I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
