he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
