i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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