Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize