We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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