And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
