just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
